Met a fren yesterday and was just sharing on how isolation kills. Indeed so much has happened the last three months and it feels like I'm hitting a bottomless pit. The irony of it all: you'll never know when you've reach rock bottom cos it's "bottomless" after all.
A friend he was. Tried to console by reminiscing about his experiences of not achieving his lifelong dream to be a pilot. Everyone told him to give up including family and gf. Still remembered how he tried to evade everyone by playing Houdini's game. He thanked me for being there as a friend, buzzing him like an irritating object that never dies, heh... Of course after a few months of being 'away', things got the better of him and he went past the dark phase. When asked if such experiences will ever ever heal, his response came short; "Such experiences never disappear".
What you hear from people are the typical ten-year series: "Don't worry, time will heal everything" - they're saying things they thought you want to hear. Look, it's not that I can't face up to reality and I wish they'd say nice things to me.. but at times, it feels like life is such a facade with people putting on masks that smiles - it's just that very idea that kills!
Well, in the midst of everything, there comes momentary happiness here & there - malay students got 2nd in the recent national competition, me received the black cane (best trainee) award for my teacher officer training, awarded the volunteer mentor for 2008 and just yesterday, i submitted a paper on social emotional learning competencies.
But deeper in the heart, a voice whispered, "Is that all that I want?" I'm trading everything that I have just to have it back. I know I can't & I jolly well know I'll never have it. And I also realise that the journey to one's happiness is turning so cruel while those on top keeps saying that it's just life trial. To all you fellas: "You don't know how it feels and you'll never know". The problem with being on top is that even though you try a million times, you can never understand the plight of those under. So stop trying to understand.
A friend he was. Tried to console by reminiscing about his experiences of not achieving his lifelong dream to be a pilot. Everyone told him to give up including family and gf. Still remembered how he tried to evade everyone by playing Houdini's game. He thanked me for being there as a friend, buzzing him like an irritating object that never dies, heh... Of course after a few months of being 'away', things got the better of him and he went past the dark phase. When asked if such experiences will ever ever heal, his response came short; "Such experiences never disappear".
What you hear from people are the typical ten-year series: "Don't worry, time will heal everything" - they're saying things they thought you want to hear. Look, it's not that I can't face up to reality and I wish they'd say nice things to me.. but at times, it feels like life is such a facade with people putting on masks that smiles - it's just that very idea that kills!
Well, in the midst of everything, there comes momentary happiness here & there - malay students got 2nd in the recent national competition, me received the black cane (best trainee) award for my teacher officer training, awarded the volunteer mentor for 2008 and just yesterday, i submitted a paper on social emotional learning competencies.
But deeper in the heart, a voice whispered, "Is that all that I want?" I'm trading everything that I have just to have it back. I know I can't & I jolly well know I'll never have it. And I also realise that the journey to one's happiness is turning so cruel while those on top keeps saying that it's just life trial. To all you fellas: "You don't know how it feels and you'll never know". The problem with being on top is that even though you try a million times, you can never understand the plight of those under. So stop trying to understand.
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