Covert War

when you fight an upfront war
either you die a warrior or you live a patriot
you fight till the last drop of your blood


when you fight a covert war
either you die unfulfilled or you live in regrets
the more you struggled, the less you achieve



after all these while
i wonder how much more i can go...



i've lost the courage
and the heart to take me through..





i am tired of being the guardian/father/mother/maid of my abode
i am tired of playing the teacher/motivator/cheerleader role to my students
i am tired of seeing the losing image in front of the mirror
i am tired of being a servant leader to those i cared
i am tired of being there for others who've always had it easier






as i watched the dawn of 2008
i anticipated a stronger me in 2009
but at the rate i am going
i seemed to have lost the war once again










my wish right now is
to close my eyes
and forget everything that crushed me so small













umi - if i am gone, keep me in your memories
i struggled to keep my flames alive
but i soon realised that the oxygen is running out










i didn't want to turn out like this
but i was tested time and again and again
i've emptied the well in my eyes
i've scorched the compassion in my heart
i've dried the tenacity in my blood
what else is left?












i swear i'm up to my brim
if i lose this war
please accept me the way i am
cos i did live my life to the best i could













Ya Allah - please grant me your mercy
i need to know that i can be remembered